Saturday, December 23, 2006

Against propaganda.

A patently unreliable news story suggests that those calling themselves "optimists" may live longer lives.

"Optimists may enjoy longer lives than people with a dimmer outlook on the future, a long-term study suggests."

They're probably just being optimistic. We submit that we pessimists more correctly comprehend the odds life stacks against us, and so are logically less likely to engage in ostentatious, needlessly dangerous activities such as bungee jumping, skydiving, pole-vaulting and bare-knuckle boxing.

Example: two drivers proceed through a vast and trackless desert; the gasometer hovers just above E. Both see a sign that says "Last chance for gas, 100 MI." The smart pessimist stops, thinks "I assume I will be overcharged," and thus buys the bare minimum of gas required to cover the distance, knowing he is covered whether or not the sign is true. The smart optimist slows, thinks, "I might be overcharged," and then thinks, "My car always says E for a good long while before the gas runs out, and besides, there will most likely be another option at a closer distance." He then drives on, carefree and probably whistling. Ten bucks on whose jolly eyes the vultures will be plucking from their sockets.

But, being pessimists, we must also assume that the study is correct and we will probably die sooner. (It's such a paradox being us.) We wish our opposition well, then: the optimists may settle back for their marginally longer existence: bingo night, loud and brashly cheerful assisted-living attendants, and the blissful ignorance of Must-See TV. Enjoy!

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home