Church and state and fire.

On the face of it, a classic case of overreaction:


"A man used flammable liquid to light himself on fire, apparently to protest a San Joaquin Valley school district's decision to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter vacation.

"The man, who was not immediately identified, on Friday also set fire to a Christmas tree, an American flag and a revolutionary flag replica, said Fire Captain Garth Milam."


... and obviously a gentleman not completely sound of mind. (For the record, in case you didn't follow the link, he survived.) The act was clearly inspired by the famous Vietnam-era incidents in which protesters set themselves afire. But while we recommend self-immolation for nobody, in the context of war such actions at least make a certain skewed sense: real lives are being lost, real blood is being shed. Igniting oneself over purely symbolic issues over church and state, the names of holidays for example, smacks of false drama.

But how soon for us all?

Oh yes, we can smell your skepticism from here, sour as old sweat. Only an idiot or a lunatic would go to such extremes, you say -- lost in a flame-colored dream, sucking the rich scent of gas into his lungs as he stares at the sky, only to awaken to find one Garth Milam, a fine name that, frowning as he busily hoses the maniac down.

And yet a fact lost in the slow crumble of George W. Bush, a decline theoretically symbolized by the midterms (but don't get your hopes up, the opposition is only one health emergency away from losing the Senate again, and anyway no matter what the party a politician is just that, no more or less -- damn these long parentheticals) is that our beloved nation of Amerikansas has been for the past six years on the brink of becoming the Khristian equivalent of the future Iraq -- that is to say, a democracy in name but a theocracy in practice.

Conservative America has, from the election of Richard Milhaus Nixon on, roiled in fury over the social evolutions of the 1960s. Liberal America has, like a closeted gay Republican, alternately flirted with those same values and turned away in shame. The term "hippie" has become a cultural joke, evoking a mental image as quaint as the Disco Stu character of The Simpsons -- a peace symbol, granny glasses, waist-length hair, the musky odors of marijuana use, the blunt-edged voice of Tommy Chong.

What has been forgotten on both sides is that those changes occurred for a reason: the terrifying stultification of the 1950s, when Cold War fears made the smallest of fashion choices a political decision, and Elvis Presley's hips looked as dangerous as the hammer and sickle. Coming on top of the unrestrained wartime propaganda of the 1940s, the future, to some, must have looked as endless and flat as the Nebraska skyline.

Faith in God, faith in the flag, faith in Mom and Pop -- pleasant ideas, no? Those of us who attended public schools, think back for a moment, take a moment to remember rising every single morning to say the Pledge of Allegiance, the feeling of our lead-heavy hands pressed to our pectorals, our bleary adolescent eyes trying hard to wander away from that endless, inescapable red-white-blue, mumbling, murmuring, watching with loathing that one bright-eyed moron in the front row, who every day spoke those words with the same chipper reverence -- God how we hated him! The little prick with his shirt buttoned to the Adam's apple. Understand now: he is your leader. He has succeeded, in all his painful simplicity, whereas you, you, you sad-eyed squirming little dissident, where have you gotten, for all your canny doubts? That ass-kissing fool you detested so badly has scored the White House, the Supreme Court, until recently (and perhaps still) the Congress. Where are you, smarter-than?

A terrorist may blow you up; an oppressive culture smothers you, inch by inch, until the boredom and resentment become a tangible poison of the soul. Has anyone asked whether suicide bombers from Islamic theocracies are motivated not only by hatred of their victims, but of subconscious hatred of their own lives, bounded on all sides by fundamentalism, dogma, and a compulsorily simplistic world-view that subconsciously they know to be more complex? Doesn't Heaven sound better than the endless pressure of a vise?

Let us be honest, for once: we are all intelligent enough to sense, no matter how rigid our background, that the concepts of God, Christ, Allah, Muhammed, Heaven, Hell, and all the rest are, well, just a little bit fishy. Likewise, in the depths of our hearts lie doubts as to whether "our country right or wrong" is really and truly always the best policy. And, deep inside, we ALL need a break from these creepy, ugly brain-crushing dogmas, before we blow ourselves up for one side of the issue or another.

Trust us. If our lives and society become anymore boring, homogenized, and depressingly reverent and respectful, we will all be reaching for the matches.